Have you ever left a meeting feeling completely drained, frustrated, and like you didn’t achieve the main objective you set out to accomplish? And you wondered why... You were sure you used all the best practices in communication, following training notes that emphasized engaging content delivery and maintaining upbeat energy throughout the conversation. 

 Yes, all of the above are important, but if one element is missing in your meetings, they won’t stand a chance to truly shine. 

That missing element is: Listening. A very special kind of listening. 

Before we dive into the specifics of how to listen, let’s first identify which type of listening is your default. No judgment here, just an invitation to take a moment and reflect. Which type do you usually use? Which type do you experience most from others? Let’s explore some common types of listening:

• Distracted Listening: Our minds wander. We’re not truly present. We're not really hearing the speaker, and we miss key information.
• Evaluating Listening: We constantly analyze and judge what’s being said, hindering true understanding. We compare, try to apply what was spoken about, assume, and prepare “our point of view.”
• Paying Attention Listening (also known as active listening): We focus on the words but not necessarily on the deeper meaning. We’re busy taking notes, memorizing, or focusing on delivering the next point. It often feels urgent and requires a lot of effort.

These approaches limit genuine connection. If you’re trying to formulate your response while the other person is still speaking, you’re likely missing important parts of the conversation. We can't truly listen and simultaneously analyze, prepare our responses, or allow our own biases to interfere. 

  The Effortless Alternative

Now, imagine a different kind of listening: effortless, relaxed, and easy—like listening to music or the sound of waves. 

Have you ever experienced "effortless listening"? It might sound rare or even unfamiliar, but it’s a powerful alternative. In this mode, you're not listening for specific information. Instead, you grasp the full context of the conversation. You’re not in a rush to pinpoint the first possible problem and resolve it immediately. Instead, you let the conversation unfold. You ask for clarification if needed and allow the other person to feel at ease. 

How would this change your leadership and your impact?

• Enhanced Relationships: By truly hearing your team members, you build deeper trust and stronger relationships.
• Unleashed Potential: When people feel heard and understood, they’re more likely to share their genuine thoughts, ideas, and concerns. This unlocks hidden potential and fosters innovation.
• Improved Problem-Solving: Effortless listening allows you to uncover the root causes of problems and identify solutions you might not have considered otherwise.

Experimenting with Effortless Listening 

Try this: during your next conversation, experiment with listening effortlessly. Don’t judge, don’t evaluate every word—just relax and listen. Start with your team members. Begin with shorter meetings, or even with a friendly colleague.

• Practice intentional presence: Focus on truly connecting with the speaker. Drop the need for evaluation, defensiveness, or control over the situation.
• Observe the interfering listening patterns: What feelings arise when you're distracted or overly analytical? How does this impact your interactions?

For advanced leaders in the making 😉, reflect on the following questions:

1. What feelings tend to come up when you're distracted during a conversation or when you're trying to evaluate what’s being said, focusing on every single word?
2. How do you deal with others when you experience those feelings during the conversation?
3. How does the conversation tend to end when you either try to evaluate everything you hear or you're totally distracted?

Now, reflect on the same conversation if you had tried listening effortlessly:

1. What feelings would dominate if you were just there, listening in a relaxed manner, without evaluation?
2. How would you deal with others if you just connected with them and what they are trying to convey, instead of constantly analyzing each word they said?
3. How would you handle challenges if you didn’t pressure yourself to respond immediately, resist, or defend your point of view?

The Unexpected Rewards 

 I’ve heard incredible stories from people I work with who’ve tried this experiment. The results are often shocking and hard to explain rationally:

• “For the first time, that person actually shared what was bothering them, and I was completely shocked! I never would have guessed that was the reason.”
• “I received ideas that could solve department challenges that no one had ever brought up before.”
• “A team member I thought was unmotivated came up with an initiative that will resolve our biggest problem—one we’ve been facing for months—and they even volunteered to lead the implementation.”

I attribute these surprising results to leaders not being accustomed to effortless listening. It’s a tool that produces results in ways people don’t expect. 

When you listen effortlessly, you may be surprised by the outcomes:

• Unforeseen insights: People may share deeply personal concerns or offer groundbreaking solutions you never anticipated.
• Increased engagement: Your team will feel valued and empowered, leading to greater motivation and productivity.

Why is This So Revolutionary? 

Leaders often focus on communication skills—how to articulate their message effectively. However, the true power lies in listening. When you truly hear your team, a safe and supportive environment where they can thrive creates itself without effort. 

If your team is well-equipped and skilled, they likely already have solutions to most problems. The main obstacle preventing them from sharing these solutions is often fear. They fear ridicule, backlash, or looking unprofessional. They might doubt how their ideas will be received or feel they don’t have the authority to suggest changes. 

That’s why the best leaders listen without distraction, without judgment, and without formulating their response mid-conversation. 

The Power of Listening to … Yourself! 

Listening also involves tuning into yourself. Are you truly present in the moment? Or are you already thinking ahead to your next point? 

What if you didn’t have to respond cleverly, make things right, control the situation, or have a hidden agenda? What if you didn’t prepare a comeback or interrupt them when they take a pause? 

What if you left the space for silence, allowing the other person to reflect on what they’re sharing, without feeling rushed? This way, you avoid the cycle of ineffective communication that affects both sides of the conversation. 

What if you listened to yourself effortlessly, reflected, and shared what truly needs to be said? 

Let me know how experimenting with this works out for you. 😊

P.S. That wonderful Effortless Listening technique was introduced to me by: Mavis Karn Nikon J. Gormley and Michael Neill . Their mentorship is invaluable in my work!